My Little Posse
It's been a bit hectic around here lately, and I haven't been in the best of moods. About three weeks of utter chaos, and I can't seem to gain any ground or even grasp a moment of control. That's just how it goes sometimes - with homeschool, with life in general.
I realized today that a lot of my frustration comes from the disorder in the house (from the mess and chaos of finishing the family room to acquiring new items that we had to wait to place). I don't cope well with disorganization. It heightens the natural chaos that comes with managing three kids and makes it just a little less bearable.
We're starting to regain some order and are completing some long-term projects. My mind is getting progressively freed from disorder and to-do's. I'm getting in a better mood.
In the height of frustration and chaos, I ran into my spiritual mentor. She was gracious enough to take me aside and pray. I walked out of her room with a peace I hadn't experienced in awhile...which is a good thing, since that same evening brought even more chaos. I decided to ask my mom to watch the kids so I could take a break. On the way home from dropping them at her place, my tire blew out on the highway! I spent 5 hours waiting on a spare and then waiting to get a replacement. Not quite the break I had planned. Bummer!
Chaotic circumstances like these always cause me to question why I do what I do. I start to have doubts about myself as a mom and as a teacher, and I wonder if I am losing my motivation...if it will always be like this...if chaos is my new normal.
I guess in some ways, chaos IS my normal. It's not necessarily all disorder, but as a family of five, trying to live constantly seeking God's will, I guess there's going to be an element of chaos...a lack of control.
As a wise friend offered, we may just have to accept...amidst poopy diapers and throw up, tantrums and poorly timed phone calls...this IS my normal right now. This chaos..."it's just me serving Jesus."
I had a moment in the car the other day. I looked in the rearview mirror, and there were these sweet little faces (who moments ago, I'd most likely berated) smiling at me with the most precious and genuine of smiles. I realized how fortunate I am. Here I have this little posse with me wherever I go. I am never alone (though I would sometimes like to be). They love me. They encourage me, and they do their best to emulate me (though many times they fail me...so I also fail them!).
How blessed to have this sweet love and adoration! My precious little posse. And I realize again, why I chose to give them the best I have to offer, every moment of every day, in this fleeting season of my life.