But...THEN...I went to the dentist. Who the (bad word) goes to the dentist and ends up coming home with a stinking home sleep study kit?!! Ya girl, that's who. (HUGE eye roll. Unfathomably long eye lids. Long, LOUD sigh.)
I retrospect, I probably should NOT have yelled in a laugh at my dentist (I really like him, to be honest), "I DO NOT HAVE SLEEP APNEA. My husband is an RT. He would know if I had sleep apnea." I asked you to check my teeth, not my blood pressure!
I mean, COME ON! Of course, my blood pressure is a little high. Have I told you my schedule? (Not to mention my two new bedtime roommates of late, who, being 9 and 5, do not exactly provide for me an atmosphere conducive to sleep.) The only reason I even managed a dentist appointment, was that I happened to be passing through after one school was done with me and the next one wasn't quite ready. (In fact, the dentist's little shenanigans extended the length of my visit, making me skip lunch to rush straight to my second school for the day. So, yeah...I'm a little stressed. And I can't imagine this did anything to help my blood pressure.) By the time I got to Synergy in late afternoon, I was fuming. Seriously hot!! I was genuinely talking to myself (well...it was directed at the dentist) as I got out of the car, "YOU have sleep apnea! I need YOU to take home this stupid sleep study." (My initial, angry comebacks are not always my most clever.)
Fortunately for me, I LOVE getting to see my youth, and I was looking forward to distracting myself with serving them. Even more fortunate, one of my work besties happened to walk by. He made very brief eye-contact and continued his nonchalant stroll past my door, leaving me behind to ponder, "What's up...LOSER?!"
Of course, my quiet drive home gave me ample time to work myself back up into a frenzy. In fact, traffic was a standstill back up, and I couldn't help thinking, "I am soooo trapped in this rat race! And there is no escape!" In fact, I later wanted to kiss George Orwell (Babe...he's dead. I wouldn't REALLY have kissed him, sheesh.😉) , when I read his words this week,
Forgive my Ecclesiastes state of mind. It was temporary, I promise. (But I REALLY am loving 1984!)
By the time I got home to find out Xander had eaten from the pumpkin pie that was designated for Thanksgiving, I let ALL my frustration out on her. (To be clear, this is exactly the opposite of what I continually advise for self-care and conflict resolution...we all have weak moments, right?) As soon as I started my tirade, though, Xander reached out her arms to pull me into a great big bear hug, "What happened?!!" (I take that as evidence that I don't lose it on my children unless it is totally unrelated to them. That's a good thing, right?!) I immediately sobbed out a less private than I'd hoped, irrational tirade about how I hated pretty much every doctor I'd ever met and how sleep studies were the stupidest thing ever invented, and they should just mind their own business and let me die peacefully in my sleep, 'cause maybe that's what I would prefer. (Calm down, everyone! Don't get all political and judgmental on me. I have since recanted. I told you, I was in an irrational state at this point. I happen to rather genuinely appreciate my dentist...and several other doctor's in my life.)
It's just the way life goes. Up and down. Down and up. Function. Maintain. Lose it. Regroup.
And besides, just...feel free to keep your diagnoses to yourself...unless I ask for one. Ok? Current rant over. Big girl tantrum done. I promise-ish.
But THEN!!!! The day AFTER I got the irritating news, I found out that God had been working in miraculous ways behind my back. I just might be reunited with someone I have been worried about for a good minute now. And a not-so-hopeful situation is starting to look really, really hopeful. So...if it takes me going through a million sleep study frustrations or whatever to get to this one victory, then...well, okay. It is worth it.
Not to mention I TOTALLY kept my secret. Because during my frustration, it became even more important to me.
Do you want to know? Are you dying to know? 😂
We spent Thanksgiving Day in our pajamas. I practiced my age-old stay-home-mom skills. I made a feast: Turkey, Ham, corn casserole, scalloped potatoes, home-made egg noodles, sweet potato fries, easy heat up rolls, apple tarts, and the most honored off all our Thanksgiving preparations...a pumpkin cheesecake.
Now, that part made me cry. Because, it was only a few years ago that my sister completely failed me on Thanksgiving and landed herself in the hospital on the day we were supposed to be celebrating at her house. And she was supposed to have made a wonderful meal. I have always enjoyed her cooking. I remember going to her house as a teenager (there was a seven-year-gap), right after I had graduated early to nanny her first daughter, my niece. And when she had leftovers (I remember burritos), my heart was happy! I ALWAYS loved her cooking. But her cheesecakes. That was a whole new level of delight.
And that illness that ruined my Thanksgiving, a few years back, took my sister, and now I will never see her again, as long as I live. She will, eternally, be 45 in my memory. She will never age beyond that. I, however, will continue to to age...and aging is, well...just...DELIGHTFUL. But, here's the thing about someone you love. You never, really, stop missing them. Every day of your life...you miss them. I will never stop missing. And, like the arthritis in my toe that will never go away (TMI...you're welcome!), I just learn to live with the pain. Some days, I cope better than others. This is our earthly life. Thank God I have hope beyond this one.
Anyway, I got my quiet Thanksgiving, and I have learned through pain and struggle to sincerely appreciate the joys and the gratitude. I didn't have a set time for dinner. I cooked until I was done, and then I called everyone to come eat. That is my way, and this year, I got to have things my way. All four of my little people (actually a couple of them are getting quite big!) came to the table. There was something for each of them (because, good grief they are a picky little lot!). We ate. They bickered. We enjoyed our time together. Then, they all went their separate ways while Matt and I were left to clean. (Typical!) I was in the kitchen all day, and it was a beautiful thing. AND we will have leftovers into the next century. Thank God for freezers!
It really was a beautiful day. We put up Christmas lights in 60 degree weather. We put out our decorations the next day. We are so stinking festive!
Life isn't perfect for anyone, but I happen to think I am one pretty blessed gal. 💕
Happy Thanksgiving, Homies! 🦃