Kristen Shanna - And Everything Else

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Homeschool Blog: My Little Posse

February 07, 2012

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The Dreaded B Word

Well...last night was a bad, bad night. It's interesting how just the knowledge of what is to come can taint even the best of days. Sometimes it's simply the knowledge that a bad day pretty much has to be coming, because I've had so many good days in a row. They can't, after all, be the perfect, fulfilling, productive day. After so many in a row, you just start to dread, "So...is the crappy day going to be tomorrow?"

I'm the kind of person who has to have those anxious fears pretty much every night. I.n.s.o.m.n.i.a.c. It runs in my blood. It is not easy knocking out all of this for a consistent 8 hours! I spend a good part of each day just plotting how I am going to get myself to fall asleep and stay that way for a decent amount of time.

And I have to admit, since Kerri died, I've become a little too lax with the wine and Benadryl. There's irony for you...my sister dies of (ultimately) alcoholism, and I respond by drinking more. Smart. …

The Undertaker

I have a hero.

I was unimpressed when we first met. She was a lovely, petite blond. (I am old enough and secure enough to be able to compliment these things, without bitterness and jealousy, for the most part. It has, actually, become one of my favorite pastimes - complimenting women...freely and joyfully, complimenting other women. I find the rare purity of a genuine compliment with no ulterior motive to be, unanimously, well-received.)

But I did not compliment this particular woman. I did not even like her, at first. In my defense, she had unknowingly set herself up as my enemy from the very start of our relationship. What kind of personality must she have to do this job every day of her life? Did she really choose this? She must be so stiff and unkind.

Oh the judgments we make when we are unaware. So unfair.

We would spend a significant amount of time together in the next few days, the Undertaker and I. And I would do weird things. I have learned to be uninhibited in my …

Beloved

I am starting to think someone or something, somewhere out there, is REALLY trying to take me out. I have been kicked in the face and stabbed in the back all in one week, and it seems like there is something new to knock me out every week. (I mean, my initials are KO, but I always viewed it coming from me not too me 😉😂). Ah well...no worries, homies...as ALWAYS...I'm still standing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Can you believe someone had the audacity to call into question my integrity this week (and not even to my face, Et tu, Brute)?!! Of course you can. You never know. I could be a total phony, sitting around the house all day not really working at all...better call Bob! (still working on the bitterness) 😉😂

But...just to clarify...I am not a phony. I am genuinely working my [bad word] off trying to serve youth (including the ones from my own womb) in as many capacities as I can for the sole purpose of compassion. I mean, let me be very clear, I am not really serving youth. …

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